Mark 16:18

Why aren't people coming to church?

I learned a new acronym this week...’BCS’...but more on that later.

I have written before about falling asleep in church….

The Pastor was in fine form….he was onto point 14 of his sermon on something or other and had just passed the 60 minute mark. He was surprised, on embarking on point 15 to see a man in the second row asleep and was deeply affronted. The Reverend kindly requested the man next to him to wake him up to receive the following reply…”You put him to sleep….why don’t you come down and wake him up yourself.”

I know that going to church is important…the writer to the Hebrews encourages us;

‘Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing’ (Hebrews 10:25)

But sometimes I wonder whether ‘I have no praise for you, for your meetings do more harm than good.’ (1 Corinthians 11:17) may be closer to the mark.

It is my solemn belief that church should be the most exciting place we go each week. We should leave feeling encouraged, a little smarter and a little closer to God and our fellow travellers. How often though do we stuff it up and bore people so much they want to stay home? Are people enduring an unpleasant experience coming to church?

My Dad is involved in prison ministry. The team has watched and wondered why the church service in one wing of the prison had dwindled down over a period of weeks to an all-time low of 2 loyal attendees.

They finally spoke with the Governor of the prison to see if there was any obvious reason….It turns out that apparently some of the prisoners had been using church as a new place to exchange contraband and a new rule had been implemented.

It is little wonder that church attendance was dropping so dramatically – perhaps a BCS (Body Cavity Search) for all attendees is almost as unpleasant as it sounds.

Even Jesus spat the dummy....

I have had a lot of suggestions as to what constitutes a Dummy Spit of Biblical Proportions….many of which I will write about in this series of “The 10 greatest dummy spits of the Bible.”

I don’t think you can write about Biblical accounts of people losing it without considering our Lord’s episode in the temple in Jerusalem.

This story is recorded in all four gospels….but I really like the way The Message translates John’s account:

“Jesus put together a whip out of strips of leather and chased them out of the Temple, stampeding the sheep and cattle, upending the tables of the loan sharks, spilling coins left and right. He told the dove merchants, "Get your things out of here! Stop turning my Father's house into a shopping mall!" (John 2:15-17 The Message)

Jesus quoted from Isaiah 56:7….The reason He was so cranky was that the part of the temple that the merchants had set up in was known as the ‘Gentile’s Court.’ Non-Jews were allowed only into this part of the temple and commerce had crowded them out. Jesus then goes on to quote what I like to refer to as the “Seven 11” verse….Jeremiah 7:11 – the ‘you have turned my house into a den of robbers.’

Jesus’ dummy spit was:

- Because the Gentiles had no access to pray in the temple

- People had set up a pet shop and Thomas Cook currency exchange branch in the temple

- Proof that you can lose it without committing sin…..maybe easier for Jesus than mere mortals like myself!

Divine Anger Management

I am working on a series of the “Ten Greatest Biblical Dummy Spits” (and I would be delighted to receive your suggestions via comments below – and I will credit your input)

Moses was an A-grade dummy spitter…..and as a result suffered his fair share of divine anger management. Moses killed a man in a fit of rage, disobeyed direct instructions from God and at various times threw his toys out of the cot. (an Australian-ism….sorry)

Arguably his most famous episode however was this one……

Moses disappears up Mount Sinai for 40 days and returns with the Ten Commandments – written by God himself on stone tablets…also provided by the creator. When Moses comes down the mountain he has a little WTF moment when he discovers the people of Israel, with the assistance of his dopey brother Aaron, have made for themselves a golden cow that they have decided will be their new God. (see rules number 1 and 2 - Exodus 20:3-4)

Moses was angry that 20% of the new rules were already broken and in a fit of rage he smashed the two tablets to pieces.

But his punishment for this little outburst was…..he had to cut out two new tablets, walk all the way back up the mountain – lugging said tablets, take dictation and write the commandments himself – in stone – and struggle back down the mountain again.

He looked after the two new ones – then he hid them in a special box and carted them around everywhere. (2 Chron 5:10) Perhaps this was because Moses’ writing was not as neat as God’s and he was embarrassed……

Demoniational Divisions

I was walking across a bridge one day, and I saw a man standing on the edge, about to jump off. So I ran over and said "Stop! don't do it!"

"Why shouldn't I?" he said.

I said, "Well, there's so much to live for!"

He said, "Like what?"

I said, "Well...are you religious or atheist?"

He said, "Religious."

I said, "Me too! Are you christian or buddhist?"

He said, "Christian."

I said, "Me too! Are you catholic or protestant?"

He said, "Protestant."

I said, "Me too! Are you episcopalian or baptist?"

He said, "Baptist!"

I said,"Wow! Me too! Are you baptist church of god or baptist church of the lord?"

He said, "Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you original baptist church of god, or are you reformed baptist church of god?"

He said,"Reformed Baptist church of god!"

I said, "Me too! Are you reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1879, or reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915?"

He said, "Reformed baptist church of god, reformation of 1915!"

I said, "Die, heretic scum", and pushed him off. -- Emo Phillips

God shall supply all your needs

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. (Philippians 4:19)

Beating Tanks into Tractors....

"Probably the night before.....that's the way I always do it." This was Rev Joseph E Lowery's response to a reporter who contacted him and asked him when he was going to prepare his benediction prayer (full text) for Obama’s inauguration ceremony.

The 87 year old, retired Methodist minister and civil rights leader from Alabama said he was humbled to be involved.

In my opinion, Lowery stole the show! His benediction was the highlight of this historic occasion.

My favourite part is his contextualisation of the Prophets Micah and Isaiah. (Micah 4:3, Isa 2:4) Instead of beating swords into plowshares, Lowery prayed for a time when we would beat tanks into tractors. I guess when the first black President of the United States has just been inaugurated after decades of struggle for equality, a tongue-in-cheek sideswipe at America’s military policies was of little consequrence.

Beating “tanks into tractors” got me thinking about how Rev Lowery may translate Ephesians 6……

Stand firm then, with the utility belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the flack jacket of righteousness in place, and with your feet booted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the riot shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the rounds of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the assault rifle of the Spirit, which is the word of God.